I Dont Know

The worst part about having a chronic illness is the not knowing. Not knowing if you will ever work again, not knowing if you will ever feel normal again, not knowing if you will get better or get worse, etc. With Gastroparesis it is even worse then that because even the doctor’s and specialist no nothing about this disease.

I lost a great job because I was always sick and out of the office. I wonder if I should go back to school to even further my education since I have nothing but time right now. But do I spend the thousands of dollars with the thought of maybe never working again? Do I totally rethink my future because I may never be able to have a normal schedule? Matthew 6:34 is a verse I have on my screensaver right now, So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. As humans we think if our future and what might happen. For me my husband will be retiring in 18 months. This will mean a new job for him, if he decides, (he is only 37), moving, and possible being empty nesters. I don’t know that I want to stay at home.

It is such a one-day at a time scenario. You can end up in the ER or the hospital at any moment. It gets very overwhelming. What I have learned to do it make a weekly to do list with my priorities highlighted. I concentrate on those priorities getting done first and then work on the others as I can. I really need to start keeping a food diary to see how I handle each thing. I started one a few months ago but gave up by the second day because it was frustrating. I can not let this break me down.

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